"Oh for God's sake - get a room!" or Eating face in public.

You meet up with a good friend for lunch. A glass of wine, a spritzer and some shared tapas. You chat convivially having not seen each other for a while. The food arrives with the drinks. It has arrived quite quickly as there aren't many in La Tasca today. All is pleasant. Outside is autumnal and a bit chilly. Inside is warm and about to get a whole lot warmer. One might say hotter than the steamiest jungle and it is nothing to do with the amount of chilli in the patatas bravas.

He spots them across the dining room - the older lady with luxuriant blonde hair with her young boy lover in jumper and jeans. First the hands meet on the table top, fingers entwine, eyes look deep into each others. The fascinated pupils widen with mutual interest and lust. Lips part. Her glistening tongue flickers enticingly. He stirs and moves his legs wider.The older woman strokes his blushing cheek with a delicate loving touch and tussles his long public schoolboy floppy fringe. She brushes his lips 'accidently' with her womanly fingers and leans forward for a kiss. She won't take no for an answer. He eagerly joins his lips with hers. They nearly knock over their full glasses of deep ruby red wine. Some of it sloshes on to the table. She grabs a paper napkin and mops it up. They giggle. They kiss again, passionately, with more, satisfying wet sloppy kissing noises. No-one is in the world but they...

"Oh for God's sake! Get a room!" I mutter under my breath as the lusty couple re-enact at least twenty shades of grey over by the window table. I whisper to my friend Janette of the goings on - going on. She smiles and feigns interest in the peckish pigeon in the alley next to us. The pigeon is trying to demolish three left over Yorkshire puddings. I wouldn't deny this experienced lady and her boy lover their carnal joy but not while I'm nibbling on me Spanish meatballs and sucking on my spicy prawns! It's most distracting. Even more distracting when it turns out that the boy is actually a girl.

Once upon a time I went to a pub in the centre of Nottingham with Janette's husband Rick and we were enjoying sipping  a  satisfying ale or two when we noticed a young couple having a right old time necking and kissing and desperately resisting tearing the clothes off each other's backs. This was in the snug at the Bell Inn. No pun intended. There's hardly room to lift your beer glass to your mouth never mind hump your new lover over the bar! Do these people have no decorum!?

Does anyone else have these circumstances where you want to cry "Oh for God's sake! Get a room!"