Amazon Kindle Store

Thursday, 7 May 2009

Pull the udder one!

I went to my local Co-Op supermarket today to get some milk. I tend to use the UHT semi-skimmed milk in red cartons for my tea and coffee. It lasts a fair amount of time opened in the fridge and generally it pours easily from the container into my cup.

Saying that the most recent carton has decided to play up and the white rectangular plastic pourer thingy got stuck and I ended up ripping it from the top of the carton leaving the milk to pour from a gash where the pourer used to be. Now it sloshes milk everywhere but in the cup. Instead of a nice calm flow of creamy white milk I’m getting a glugging white rapids effect where the majority of the liquid goes on my kitchen surface or the floor. I have tried putting some in a jug instead, pretty much with the same result – milk overflow. So today, I got fed up of constantly mopping up milk and decided to go and see what other types of non-sloshy milk I could buy as an alternative.

I never knew there were so many options!

Alpro Soya milk – low in unsaturated fats.

Fresh pasteurised semi-skimmed goats milk from happy mountain goats.

Yeo Valley Organic skimmed milk.

The co-operative organic British wholemilk from deliriously happy cows.

Robert Wiseman dairies The ONE – only 1% fat.

Cravendale filtered for purity – fresh filtered whole milk skimmed and semi skimmed. Presumably from spiritually pure cows, from Cravendale.

Co-Op’s British red label skimmed and semi-skimmed milk.

Pure Milk – sterilised whole milk.

Pure Milk – Slimmer brand from weight conscious, slimmer but still happy cows.

Instant dried milk.

Marvel dried skimmed milk from marvellous cows, no doubt.

Longlife UHT standardised whole milk.

Longlife semi –skimmed organic.

Provamel Rice with improved taste! Dairy free, lactose free, low in saturated fat and made from a blend of water and rice with added vitamins and calcium.

Co-Op UHT organic un-sweetened soya milk drink.

I think I’ll buy a cow and make my own.


French Fancy said...

We switched to soya milk a couple of years ago and I can't bear to drink tea now with anything but that. I like my tea strong and the soya doesn't make it creamy and weak. I don't like the cartons though - I know the tetrapak revolutionised that sort of thing but it is so fiddly. How old arthriticky hands manage I'll never know.

Emily said...

But what would your brand be? Mooo-re milk? Phil's Fresian juice? Milk from down Be-Lowe?

Marian Barker said...

Watch out - there's a Humphrey about!!!

G said...

I don't use alot of milk, mainly for a morning cuppa and on my bran flakes and raisins three times a week. I use the little plastic bottles of semi-skimmed. The bottle can be recycled, though not the cap, whereas those nasty tetrapaks cannot and have to go to landfill.

In my younger days I would always have goldtop on my weetabix and about 5 tablespoons of sugar. No wonder I got to 15 stone when I was in my early twenties!

I read a long time ago that the Massai of Africa believe that God gave them all the cows on earth. This cannot be true because I know that all cows are Scottish. That is why they have bagpipes underneath. :-D

While I am on a roll of crappy jokes; What do you call a cow that lives in the Arctic?

An Eskimoo.

Ok, I am done (hears cheers).

Gail's Man said...

And they call him Phil, and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west (bridgford).

Athina said...

I think I’ll buy a cow and make my own.

LOL. Make sure she's a slim, happy and spiritually pure cow.