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Wednesday, 23 December 2009

Obsessed moi?

"Come in. Welcome. Do sit down if you can find a space. Sorry about the mess. Mince pie? Cup of tea? Something stronger? Forgive me if I seem distracted. I'm waiting for the chaps in the white coats."

'Chef's are they?'

"Mais non, mon ami, mais non. The other 'clinical' white coats, and the kinky backward facing jacket - funny sleeves, You understand? I called them a few minutes ago. It's for the best, don't you know?"

'But why? You always seem so happy Phil. Take a deep breath, relax and put your feet up. Talk when you are ready'

"I think that I am officially obsessed because who else goes around photographing their food before they eat it; writing down snippets of tv cookery shows as they watch them; has a secret stash of glossy food, French and travel magazines under the table and just moved the entire living room furniture so that he could photograph his bookshelves as proof? And you think that's the end of it? Ach, gar nicht meine freunden."

"I confess too that I hang around cafes and restaurants and 'borrow' their menus to write to complete strangers about my visits. Blogging they call it. Sometimes I can spend hours choosing a particular word or turn of phrase just to make those self same strangers, known as 'commentors', laugh or learn something. They blog too! I've seen them! Let them deny it!  Some even taunt me with their glitzy-glam French lives. Un vrai cauchemar"

" From time to time, of an evening mostly, I force myself to go on stage and put my life in mortal danger saying other people's words and doing other people's actions, night after blessed night. It's like burping up a very hot curry plus applause at the end and less visits to the toilet."

The secret stash revealled!

"There's more. Oh yes, there is certainly more. Upstairs, I have even more books. It's like a crazy library with a bed.In front of me, as I speak, I can see a double shelf full of dvds mostly in foreign tongues and a whole collection of Rick Stein's dvds."

"One of these Stein dvds is my great undoing. I hardly dare mention it's name for I know that it shall claim me and force me,yet again, to watch it for many hours, with wine to hand. The bastard has played this evil trick on me over twenty times already. It all starts with the wibbly BBC2 logo and soundbite and then the wretchedly catchy theme tune. It's French Odyssey time and it has me snared, oh so gently snared, sucking me in to its garlicy grip. I know it backwards. Chalky won't go to the vet.. Rick has to leave him back in the UK. But Chalky is no more of this earth... and on-on -on! Is there no stopping it? "

"No! I love it!!!!  Je l'aime! I demand to have those French markets and idyllic meals with nice foodie people and drinking ruby red wine from French maidens bras n' stuff. Ahem. Don't get me started on the drink please. I've a barge to steer and it's a long way to the Med. If only Chalky were here."

"Now the latest thing is going to see the film Julie and Julia and then buying the book. I can't put the bloody thing down and keep laughing like a loon well into the night. Aaaaaaah! Will it all ever end? Please just truss me up like a corn fed chicken and get me out of here!"

Serious bit.

Wet myself bit.

Bust a gut bit.

"I need help!!!! Si, Dave, Rick, Delia,Gordon,Nigella, Hugh! Dedene, Emily, Guy, Marian, French Fancy,Janette, Gail's Man, Cheryl, Dean, Thérèse-Marie, Karen and Ken. Help me!!! Please!"

 "Mince pie anyone? Now what was I saying? Well can't stop, blogging to do. Merry Christmas all."


French Fancy said...

The first step is done - you've admitted to an obsession; the second step is just to relax and enjoy it.

I really hope that one day it will be your face at the end of our table (well, just your face would be very weird now)and we'll all be eating, drinking, talking and laughing into the night

Phil Lowe said...

Oh ok, relax you say? And enjoy it? Sounds easy enough. Is there food involved? Do pots have to be washed?

One day I will come and visit. I would like that very much. Next year I hope. Merci Madame FF. x

* said...

Wonderful stuff, Phil! The portrait at the top of your blog is just FANTASTIC!

May you be gifted with many magical moments this holiday and in the year to come.

All the best!

Phil Lowe said...

Thankyou Mo and welcome to my blog x

Dean said...

It makes me wonder whether it is you who indulge us or vice versa !
Blogs are a wonderful pursuit that bring friendship and banter to lift the spirit and exercise the mind so it cant all be bad, We all have our special little obsessions that we like to share with others though dont we ?

We must make time to go for a coffee in town one day !

Gail's Man said...

Calm down dear it's only a commercial. Oops sorry, wrong piece of advice!

You could always try going cold turkey. But no, you'd probably have that on Boxing Day in a sandwich with a dash of ploughman's pickle and a few spring onions.

Sorry, I think you're doomed!

Cheryl said...

Thank God it's not just me! (And what is an obsession with food but a healthy appetite for life?) And thank goodness for your blog which brightens my mood every time I read it.

Thanks for reminding me how delicious life is, Phil! Happy holidays!

feasting-on-pixels (terrie) said...

Merci beaucoup for you kind comment on my blog, Phil...
Your blog post is hilarious, but I have to say, you don't have anything on house has been stuffed for years...

I have 12 filled bookcases of books on Paris, France, history, architecture cook books and food and about 10 stacks of books and mags four feet high and that is just on the first floor.
The second floor has a library room stuffed full...the funny thing is I use all these books all the time.

Glad that are enjoying "Julie and Julia"...but a better book to read is "My Life in France" by Julia is more like the movie and written much, MUCH better.

I'll talk to you after the Holidays, enjoy yours...

Joyeux Noël et une Bonne Nouvelle Année cher Phil...!

Anonymous said...

Phil, where would we all be without your obsession? I agree with French Fancy -- relax and enjoy it!

Hope you have a wonderfully gourmet Christmas and New Year's.

the fly in the web said...

unfortunately my machine doesn't have accents..not where I can get at them, anyway, so this is a somewhat franglais comment.

I agree with the comment about Julia Childs 'My life in France'....I read it recently and was fascinated by her self obsession...obsede, encore...and her cold character.

I have to thank French Fancy for introducing me to your blog..I am enjoying it greatly.

Janette Jones said...

I have to confess that your obsession with food probably aided my love of cooking, so on behalf of my husband's stomach - he says thanks!

Phil Lowe said...

Dean: Thanks for you humour and indulgence. Good to have you as someone who enjoys my ramblings! Yes we must meet up. Do you work in Nottingham?

Gail'sMan: Christopher, I can always rely on you for an amusing comment. Cold turkey indeed. lol
Yep, I am happy to say that I am doomed.

Cheryl: happy holidays to you too honey. I am glad that I brighten your mood through my writing. Your illustrations and writing do the same for me and I love the one of you flying over the town below. ace!

TM: I would expect no less than your wonderful house to overflowing with books on Paris and food. In fact if I came round one day I would be gutted to find it not so! I hope that you have had a good holiday and some quality food and drink and nice company. All my love to you and your cat xxxx

Dedene: Bonne Fete cher Dedene. I had a lovely Christmas indulging myself and thinking of others at this festive time and I hope that you did too my friend. xx All the best for 2010. xxxx

the fly in the web: Merci French Fancy for recommending you my blog. How sweet. Now I have to pull the French dictionary of the dusty shelf to see what obsédé means. Un moment. Ah yes. Half way down page 101 I find it under: Un obsédé sexuel. Ooh la la! lol

obsédé = obsession. I see now.

PS: I somethimes type my entry in a word doc in which I can add accents if need be. I know it can be a pain but...

I blog very regularly so I hope that you continue to check out my posts tfitw and vice versa. Phil xx

Janette: Thanks Janette, always glad to add to your husband's girth and then at least I don't feel quite so bad about mine. Seriously, thanks as always to both of you for your true friendship. xxxxx