This sad news came as a bit of a shock for me and other friends and many people would have missed the funeral in April. The event has made me re-evaluate my life and think what I am doing with my present and future years on this planet.
So, as the clock on the side ticks away I’ve been thinking about myself and where I want to go in life.
Sometimes I think that I am good at too many things and being of a bit of a butterfly nature I tend to flitter from one brightly coloured interest to another. There never seems to be enough time to do everything – despite me being unemployed – with all the time in the world – in theory. I also have a tendency to take on too many projects both work and leisure and then I wonder why I feel tired all the time.
The work I would love to do: travel & food writing.
I am currently being asked by a government body to ‘up the ante’ on my job seeking and expected to apply for large amounts of jobs per month. I do my best to comply and some opportunities have arisen from my endeavours but being a non-conventional person at heart, that same heart sinks quicker than the Titanic at the very thought of being stuck in an office based role all day. Yet this is what I feel I am being asked to do because of my previous work history. I have applied for a lot of jobs in the last year and a half and I hear absolutely nothing back. I often feel very confused about my way forward and disheartened and marginally depressed, hence the constant tiredness. If I was left alone to do it ‘my way’ it would probably be a lot easier. I am grateful for all the help I get but I now I feel I need to take control and get out of this situation.
Thankfully, my creative hobbies help to ease the way. The things that cheer me up are writing this blog and my other blog at http://philloweactor.blogspot.com/ and the involvements I have with the Lace Market Theatre and the support of some good friends. Also, I have had some writing published in the Derby Evening Telegraph of late about my childhood years. This is unpaid but at least I am getting published and will add to my list of published work as a writer.
Writing notes for my French journal in Bordeaux.
I do get fed up sometimes with the lack of work situation but, then I have mad moments like making the silly videos of late and then all is sweetness and light again. I’m just an entertainer at heart I think and those who read my blog know that I am passionate about food. I love my times in the kitchen or watching food programmes and would be more than happy to be paid to write to amuse and enlighten all day. Finding a work position in the food industry where I could help and advise folk would suit me too.
I feel I am at a stage in life age-wise that whatever I end up doing it has to be for me, not just something to get paid for and, be unhappy in, until the day of retirement comes lumbering into view. I need to live for now not later.
Me and lovely neighbour Joanne. (Jo).
My main passions are acting, blogging, writing, photography, travelling, learning French and German, enjoying food related events and cooking. I also enjoy the company of my close female friends, my neighbour Joanne and my good friends Janette and Marian amongst others. I do have a few male friends. They are usually artistic souls and I avoid what I call ‘blokey blokes’ who are mostly into their sports and being brash. Well, you know what I mean. Someday soon I hope to meet a nice woman to share my life with and cook some nice meals for. I’m very domesticated you know ladies.
Look ladies! He irons!
My plans are to get out and exercise more, maybe tai chi and walking, structure my time better and really buckle down to looking out for work opportunities that inspire me, not depress me. I’m not that physically fit and don’t sleep well and I think doing some regular exercise would help me feel better about myself and to see a more positive side to life.
Phil enjoying time in the kitchen
So, thank you for reading this blog post. I know it is different from my usual food related stuff but I just wanted a forum to express how I happen to be feeling right now. Thanks too to the late Peter Fryatt for the joy and laughter that you brought into many people’s lives. If I could have any epitaph that would please me no end, to be described thus. But, think on, I ain’t planning on going to advise Jesus on the best way to serve bread and fish just yet. The heavenly kitchen can wait awhile. I’ve things to do, people to see and wine to drink.