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Monday, 23 August 2010

Making a shopping list of food on the bus by mobile phone. Bad choice!

You know how it is when you are on the bus and someone’s mobile goes off. This time the ring tone was the theme from Raiders of the Lost Ark and a rather common and somewhat strident woman two seats behind me answered. Well actually she could have been sat on my lap insomuch as her voice was so (how can I say this politely) abundantly clear. As abundantly clear as a fishwife can be after smoking 40 Woodbines in an hour.

The call was all about Iceland. No the volcano hasn’t erupted again. I mean Iceland the frozen food company with its many popular stores around the UK. The bus load of people were treated to a viciously verbal conveying of this woman’s potential shopping list. I have no idea to whom she was speaking but it must have been a very bad line as she had to repeat things several times. There are times as a blogger that you just get given these ‘gifts’ and have to write them down asap. Thank goodness for my trusty notepad and discreet method of writing in public.

Hello? I'm breaking up! Hello?

The slightly one-way conversation went something like this:

Chicken? What? Can’t hear you. Chicken? Drumsticks? Chicken drumsticks? How many? Ow m-a-n-y? Ten? What? Ten? Yeah. (phlegmatic coughing fit ensues).

Beef and what? (cough) Black green? Black bean? Right. Yes I know. Ahm not stoopid. Yes gottit. Stir Fry. Owt else?

Pizza. Deep pan? Same as last time. Ok. Yes of course I remember. Go on. Hello? Hello? Hello? Trent Bridge. I’m going over Trent Bridge. Breaking up. Hurry up.

Garlic chicken or bbq chicken? Right. I’m running out of paper now, hurry up. (big heavy sigh).

I can’t….. Fish - Fish fingers. Ten or forty? Well I don’t know. Forty. I'll get forty. Was there any in the freezer? FREEZER! (voce sotto) Do I have to do everything?

Mixed veg and what? You’re breaking up. Peas or cheese? Did you say cheese or peas? CHEESE or PEAS!!!

That'll be peas then.

OK! Stop shouting! I'm on the bus. Yes, mini corn cobs and peas. Battered what? I really don’t why we didn’t do this before I came out. I really don't. Battered onion rings then. Is that it? IS THAT IT? Hello?

What about cheesy potato sticks and cheesy waffles? I'm breaking up. Hello? Hello?

Oh for f*cks sake!


Janette Jones said...

Love it! People round here are just so funny! Apologies I didn't get to the phone was in the middle of getting food out of the oven!

Phil Lowe said...

No worries. Glad you enjoyed the funny story. Enjoy your food Janette. xx

John Medd said...

Maybe it was squeezy cheesy peas.

I'll get my coat.

Gailsman said...

I think she must have got on the wrong bus, as I'm sure such common people don't live in Ruddington. Unless she was visiting a friend from her home in Bulwell or Broxtowe.

As I rarely venture onto public transport, I miss the minutae of life.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious. It's good that you could see the funny side in one of the most annoying situations known to man.

I remember hearing some elderly ladies discussing how youthful policemen looked nowerdays.

All I kept hearing in my head was: " ooh young man".

Couldnt contain my giggles.


Phil Lowe said...

John: Hey the Fast Show! Great. Cheesy Peas Ma.

GailsMan: The minutae of life makes litle things amusing and big things even funnier.

Kate:One day I may start saying that policemen/women look younger. Until then I'll just wait for meals on wheels to arrive with my crusty dinner and spotted dick pudding. Oh the joys of one's latter years. A game of bowls anyone? Isn't the prime minister looking young these days? Back when Winston was alive....