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Tuesday, 7 September 2010

Today I killed the new paper shredder.

  1. I don't normally swear. Unless really angry.
  2. I am very patient.
  3. I hate wasting money esp when I haven't got much to waste in the first place.
  4. I'm not Irish despite the lingo of the text.
  5. You may continue......
B*stard brand new shredding machine (£16.50) I bought today has bollocks -up and kept on jamming. So I take the fecker to bits (well, I took several screws out) and salvaged the mushed up paper, three times in all , so I did. Then it jams for the fourth time emitting a burning electrics type smell. So I take it completely to bits with no prior knowldge of basic electronics but safety conscious all the same. The feck just fell to bits!!!!!! Kill !!!!! I pushed and I shoved the components back into place, to no avail. My hands were covered in greasy stuff like engine oil.

Then I dumped the feckin' shite in the dustbin and cursed the day I spent what little money I have on the fatherless son of a bitch! All for the sake of shredding a wadge of bank statements. Aaaargh!!! And I am such an easy going chappie. To be sure. So I am.

the broken insides of the 'waste of space' machine
And me hands still smell of  engine oil!!!!


Karen said...

Having tried a similar useless shredder in the past (but I only spent £5), I have, for the last 5 years, been burning all my 'confidential waste' in a chimenea in the garden. It keeps me very cosy on a cold day, & the flames are quite photogenic. Goodness knows what it does to the ozone layer or whatever, but at least it's a quick method of getting rid of bills etc.

Gailsman said...

You should have taken it back to the shop where you bought it and got either your money back or a replacement, as it wasn't fit for purpose. True, it would have cost you time and bus fare, but at least you wouldn't have thrown £17 in the bin.

Athina said...

Phil, why can't you just tear the papers to pieces with your hands. Are them hands still swollen?

Now take a deep breathe, relax and don't be angry anymore.

Phil Lowe said...

Karen: Sounds like the best way although I do like to recycle.

Gailsman. It was my fault really for trying to cram too many paper strips through at once. Lesson learnt.

Athina: I had already torn the mass of paper into strips by hand. the idea od the shredder was to make the documents less readable and prone to fraud usage. Hnads are fine now thankyou.

French Fancy... said...

Oh blimey, shoddy item or what. It's just not right that things are such crap - not after we've gone to the trouble of going to the shop, choosing and paying for the item and then going back home itching to start shredding.

You've reminded me however, how careful we need to be with security now that we're back in Blighty.