Thinks, "hmmm Gentle Fitness, huh?"
So dear reader, whilst shopping in the local supermarket the other day, I picked up (notice, weight training involved here) a dvd called Gentle Fitness and according to the reverse text it is designed to be followed in one's pyjamas in front of the telly. I don't wear pyjamas so I guess that naked in front of the TV will do just as well, should the need arise.In for a penny, in for a pound.
It only cost £3.99 and promised to make one more supple and benefit from an increase in general stamina. Sounded good. I always liked Tai Chi when I practised it in the past. I enjoy being naked too and watching TV. Not always at the same time, but, naughty reader, such a confession would be giving too much away! lol
I put the dvd in the TV/DVD combo and pressed play. Admittedly, an effort in itself involving index finger dexterity and some concentrated eye co-ordination. An attractive, slim and grey-haired lady, appeared on my screen and I marvelled at her ability to sit with her legs folded under her torso without screaming with the nerve numbing pain of cramps. It too, was incredible that she was able to maintain that position and then, actually be able to get up and walk without her knees cracking or, looking like she had, very recently, suffered un accident terrible in the underpants department. Cooly, she demonstrated the soothing applications of self massage - steady Phil - and softly pummelled her downy chin, her facial cheeks, sensous earlobes etc; all accompanied with her husky old hippy voice un-self-consciously explaining each indulgent carressing stroke of Gentle Fitness bliss. Then, and only then, the camera revealled the class members behind her and their slavishly, chronically arthritic. attempts to follow their 'silver stroker' guruette.
It was a total shock! No smiling nubile or Amazonian lycra clad devotees in this dvd, all bending over and toned, oh no. Just some ancient old chap called Norris wheeled in from the back room of the morgue and a dribbling and shaky old biddy galliantly struggling just to lift her No 9 knitting needles! As it says in my title - I'm not that old -yet!
That dvd is going to the village Help the Aged charity shop as soon as the doors open on Monday and I am getting my pristine bike out from its cobwebby semi-retirement in the coal shed. I am sure there are some weights under my bed too. Now where is that beer? Beer belly? What beer belly?