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Sunday, 15 November 2009

I'm not that old - yet!

I fully admit I don't do as much exercise as perhaps I should at the tender age of 53 and I concour that exercise is as important as eating heathily (well almost) and  a vital part of staying healthy in one's middle years. So, having been under the weather of late and mixing socially and theatrically with of lovely bunch of younger folk in their twenties and thirties I think the male menopause has finally hit home and made me consider the,  'I'm not as young as I was', decision, to take some gentle excerise. 'Author swigs  greedily from glass of beer as he considers the next stage of writing this post.'

Thinks, "hmmm Gentle Fitness, huh?"

So dear reader, whilst shopping in the local supermarket the other day, I picked up (notice, weight training involved here) a dvd called Gentle Fitness and according to the reverse text it is designed to be followed in one's pyjamas in front of the telly. I don't wear pyjamas so I guess that naked in front of the TV will do just as well, should the need arise.In for a penny, in for a pound.

It only cost £3.99 and promised to make one more supple and benefit from an increase in general stamina. Sounded good. I always liked Tai Chi when I practised it in  the past. I enjoy being naked too and watching TV. Not always at the same time, but, naughty reader, such a confession would be giving too much away! lol

I put the dvd in the TV/DVD combo and pressed play. Admittedly, an effort in itself involving index finger dexterity and some concentrated eye co-ordination. An attractive, slim and grey-haired lady, appeared on my screen and I marvelled at her ability to sit with her legs folded under her torso without screaming with the nerve numbing pain of cramps. It too, was incredible that she was  able to maintain that position and then, actually be able to get up and walk without her knees cracking or, looking like she  had, very recently, suffered un accident terrible in the underpants department. Cooly, she demonstrated the soothing applications of self massage - steady Phil - and softly pummelled her downy chin, her facial cheeks, sensous earlobes etc; all accompanied with her husky old hippy voice un-self-consciously explaining each indulgent carressing stroke of Gentle Fitness bliss. Then, and only then, the camera revealled the class members behind her and their slavishly, chronically arthritic. attempts to follow their 'silver stroker' guruette.

It was a total shock! No smiling nubile or Amazonian  lycra clad devotees in this dvd, all bending over and toned, oh no. Just some ancient old chap called Norris wheeled in from the back room of the morgue and a dribbling and shaky old biddy galliantly struggling just to lift her No 9 knitting needles! As it says in my title - I'm not that old -yet!

That dvd is going to the village Help the Aged charity shop as soon as the doors open on Monday and I am getting my pristine bike out from its cobwebby semi-retirement in the coal shed. I am sure there are some weights under my bed too. Now where is that beer? Beer belly? What beer belly?


Karen said...

Oh dear, your comments have struck a chord with me, as I too usually fail to exercise much, if at all (& we're the same age). I am full of intentions every day to have a long brisk walk, but somehow the hours flash by & darkness decends, & all I've done is think about that walk. As I have osteoporosis I am not behaving very sensibly, so, if you'll promise to attempt regular exercise, I will too. We could encourage each other. It is difficult when my favourite thing to do is sit down with a decent cup of tea & a book! Tomorrow I will attempt to get up early & deliver my Neighbourhood Watch newsletters at a brisk walk, which will keep me moving for an hour or so. Oh dear, just the thought makes me feel sleepy.....

Phil Lowe said...

Karen: Of course I will promise to take more exercise. I do liking walking and am probably not as unfit as I proclaim - however I did have times during the walk to the theatre from the bus stop at the Broadmarsh Centre to the theatre that my legs ached as I went up the closed down and dormant escalators and thought "I need to do some exercise!." last month. :0)

French Fancy said...

That did make me laugh. Like most people I have a fair few of those keep fit dvds and there is always someone behind the main man/female who is out of time. The thing is that once you focus on the person who can't quite do it the same as the others, well you are doomed to giggling the whole time you are trying to squeeze the butt or pump up the biceps.

These days my exercise is a brisk hours walk with the dogs - in fact if I miss it by some chance then I really do miss it.

Phil Lowe said...

French Fancy: you could always video your dogs in front of you on a long walk and then practice armchair walkies by watching the video for the duration in the future. It would save the dogs getting wet and muddy too. Sorted!